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Dear Diary,

Published on 16 May 2020 at 01:00

It is now the night to Saturday. And today flew by without even realizing that it was already the end of the day. On the one hand I am relieved, on the other I am broken and I have feelings of guilt because I had to show my father-in-law the door in a violent way. We had indicated you can stay with us for a while. Then my entire house is taken over and I have to report trespassing to get him out of my house under the supervision of the Police. I really can't place it yet. I have to maintain for myself that I did the right thing and not feel guilty about it. This is his fault, not mine.

Today started the day like no other day. Only today I had a reason to get out of bed, we had a talk with the people of the church to see if we could still help my fiancé's father and his brother. He has so many problems, so many debts, so many mental and physical problems that we can no longer see the wood for the trees. Was there still a solution? How quickly can he leave our house, because this has to change, he can't stay here any longer. At 14:00 we had all met in the park, talked a lot, expressed my fear for my safety several times. And I had talked to my own father earlier this week about calling the police for trespassing if it really got too much for me, even though I might have agreed at the beginning. Anyway, I wasn't anymore. It just didn't work anymore. After the conversation I still didn't feel better, this just wasn't going to work anymore, I still had terrible fear of going home again. I just didn't dare. We went to the meeting with my in-laws, explained everything there. And actually we had hoped the same, that he would leave the house today. But that was not the case, according to the council's conversation. My mother-in-law was now really angry, you didn't necessarily notice it in her, but you did see it. She couldn't let this happen, she couldn't bring herself to bring her youngest son back to this. Just in the prime of our lives and then we are immediately saddled with so much. We cycled home and my mother-in-law drove to us by car. And walked upstairs and started a conversation with her ex-husband. I think he behaved as casually as he did with us. He just doesn't see that he has so many problems and makes a nice conversation out of it too. We did not attend the conversation, we stood on the landing in our building because we thought if we then hear screams or raised voices, we can still intervene or call for emergency.

As I write this, I'm still shaking, the adrenaline and fear still coursing through my body, quite bizarre that it has such an impact on me. After the conversation was over, my mother-in-law came down again and told us what was said and that he just has to get out of the house. André indicated that he didn't find anything else so quickly, not this weekend anyway, hopefully next week. We thanked my mother-in-law for the enormous help and went back home. We were still outside, hanging in front of the front door. We chatted about what to do next. I just couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't and didn't dare go back upstairs, not back into the house. I just didn't dare anymore. I was full of fear, full of sadness, but above all fear, it dominated everything. I was still shaking on my legs and this was not because it was cold outside, this was the fear, I was afraid. Scared of him. Something had to be done now, my head, my brain made a quick decision at that moment and turned continuously for hours. I was sure, now was the time to intervene, police were the only solution to our problem. Over the past few weeks, I had requested information from various people about the state of affairs and what I was strong in legally. And in Article 138 of the Dutch Criminal Code I was fully within my right to report him for trespassing. Even if I had initially admitted him to my home myself and even if I felt threatened by whatever situation or had asked him multiple times, as we had indicated, to look for something else. But leaving was out of the question for André because he supposedly had nowhere else to go. The only bad thing is that he constantly forgot or forgets everything. So even if you have indicated everything to a few minutes, it is still forgotten.

It was just enough for us now, especially for me. I was in an upward trend and because of him I went back a lot. Not good for me of course. I was outside and had just passed on a report via Politie.nl. And thought this should go faster. I want him out of my house today. That would have made the decision, I want it out, my house, my rules and this just won't work anymore. I have therefore called the police, asked about Zaltbommel and filed a report for trespassing, explained the current state of affairs, how much he drinks and that this can no longer continue. more and that shouldn't be allowed. The police asked if he could go somewhere, indicated that he has enough relatives where he could go. The police said they were going to send a unit here. We were waiting outside and see my mother-in-law coming back in the distance. What a relief that was, I had also called my neighbor's sister and she also came here, together with her sister. His very good friends of mine, in the end we were with a large group and we were all strong in our shoes. After waiting outside for some time, a wave arrived, just a civilian wave and two men in civilian outfits, nicely loaded, got out of the car. Nice agents, immediately asked what was going on, how we could best handle this.

A little later a large police bus drove into the street with dogs in the back and a slightly older man in police uniform got out of the bus. And with them 3rd and me and my fiancé we went in. I opened the door and actually went straight behind the door into the living room. Then the agent came in with two plainclothes agents and they immediately went into the room towards my fiancé's father. She immediately explained what they were doing here and if he could please walk down to more neutral grounds. Once there, everything escalated pretty quickly. The police officer indicated what was going on, that André did not have a leg to stand on and whether he would please leave the house because we had already indicated several times that he had to leave and this was temporary, but he brushed it off as if it was nothing . And also accused us of lies, the agent asked my fiancé if he supported my story and he agreed to that. He was fully behind it, we talked about it multiple times and we were then laughed at by his father or I was laughed at or ridiculed again.

In the meantime also completely broke out with my fiancé's father, he continues to lie and cheat. And insist that he has paid off all debts. You do, of course you have paid off all those almost 400,000.00 in full. Yup, make sure you can do that in 3 years. Haha, you're really funny. Doesn't make any sense at all. Have confronted him with what we have found and what and how much it is, he continues to insist that nothing is wrong. It really is pathetic that you believe so much in your own life and own lie that you really think you are debt free.. I was just so furious that he played me, us like that. Everything just came out really well at that moment, I was so touched, and angry. That I allowed myself to allow this to come to this. I was mad at myself for putting his trust in me so much and really thinking we could trust him, but really we were just being played, just fooled. The older officer eventually walked him upstairs to gather things. And he can then come and pick up the other stuff with someone at another time. But not only, I've been very clear about that, otherwise I'll call the police again and they can just come by again. After having to wait for about 30 minutes on the first floor together with the plainclothes agents who repeatedly indicated to me that it was my right to take these steps and that I should not feel guilty for the current state of affairs and how ultimately everything went well. In the end he had packed a bag with stuff, after sitting on the toilet for whatever reason for more than 10 minutes, probably contacting his family or whatever. He was eventually escorted downstairs by the officer. And there we waited until he had really packed his things and his bike. He indicated that he would still call us when he comes to collect the stuff. No problem, you can come, but under supervision, no idea who you are taking with you. But you can come, as long as you come with someone. Until then, you are no longer welcome here. The house keys were also returned. The police once again told me that if he does come back, I can just call the police right away and they will come. He finally got his bike. And he cycled past and she: now the turn is safe again. I answered, that's certainly true. And he was gone. Talked to the police for a while, thanks for their help. And then they left. Talked to my landlord for a while, he came by. And then we went home with my mother-in-law. That just felt the best for me at that moment, the best to be with family at that moment.

Once we arrived at my parents-in-law, we talked afterward and indicated that I had recorded the entire incident. And that the police also indicated that I was fully within my rights and that this was my right at all. You can clearly see that the father of the boys is ill and really doesn't have very long to live. At least not in the way he lives now, at least he won't last much longer. My emotions really came out. I was mostly staring ahead and just couldn't say anything more. It really had become too much. It came to me at a rapid pace and I was especially worried that I had now made a big mistake by kicking him out of my house and I quickly felt guilty for what I did today. I know I can be proud of myself for persevering through the most difficult point, but I still wonder if I might be a bad person. It is the father of the boys, I have now ensured that the police had to intervene to get him out of my house. We could hardly eat any of the fries my mother-in-law had brought us, not ungrateful or mean something, but everything that flew by without me noticing, I was just so moved that I barely had a bite through my throat. We finally walked home around 8:30 PM. We talked for a while and apologized to my sweetheart because it had to lead to such a violent reaction. Now at home, my sweetheart is also texted by his father. That he wants a reason why he was escorted out of the house by 3 agents. And that, according to his own brother, it should only happen in the event of domestic violence. While trespassing occurs frequently. And since he is not at my address, which can also be heard on the recording by the agent, André has no legal leg to stand on, my house, not his and we have asked him to leave. And then that just has to happen, with or without the police, anyway I'm within my right. He seems to be looking into it legally now. I wish him the best of luck, I have proof. And he really doesn't have a leg to stand on.

He also indicated in the app that he will soon be picking up all the stuff, which is great. That I'll figure this out myself, the weather will be nice this week. We will send him a message this week, then I will also make sure that my friends can be at home with us. And then we'll make sure that all his stuff is put on the street before he takes our stuff with him. And then I'll make sure everything is on the street when he comes to pick it up. Because he doesn't come into my house anymore, not even under supervision, then he has to carry it again, I can train right away. And then he can take everything. Oh, and he went to Legal to find out if this was possible.. I have an answer for you, yes it certainly can. You don't have a leg to stand on. And if we had let it go a little further, then you would really be allowed to start thinking. Because now we also found out that you not only ordered nonsense from your ex-wife for a ridiculous amount of money, but also from your children's names. You're just a little, pathetic man, with a suitcase full of problems that you'll never be able to solve. I wish you the very best with your life. I hope for you, I hope for you sons, and the family around you who seem to find my action outrageous... that you get your shit together. Really, I hope for you that there is still hope for you, your life can still improve. Until then, I'll say goodbye to you. Prove yourself first, until then you figure it out. I never need to see you again until you prove to yourself that you can be a good and normal father to your children, with no financial or drinking problem. Have a nice life until then and good luck!

Posted on: 16-05-2020

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