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Dear Diary,

Published on 7 June 2020 at 23:00

Dear followers, it took a while but here I am again. It took me a while to get my grip on my life and get it back on track. A lot has happened again and sometimes it seems that God still has a disappointment in store for me..

I lost a 'girlfriend' in a bizarre way this week. After being completely ignored for days, a friend found out on my behalf what was really going on. Because she could tell my girlfriend, but she was too cowardly to message me herself and bring out the truth. I honestly think she's pathetic. She always pretends to be tough and always proudly tell you that if something bothers her, she will always tell you honestly. But hey, I wasn't enough for that. I was only good enough when she needed something for herself, when she had to dye her friend's hair in the city or go to the bathroom. I wasn't good enough for anything else. I don't want to waste too many words about it. It's a shame it turned out that way, but it's no different.

Fortunately, I also have good news to bring, even though I have one less girlfriend. Last week we got a new friend. Super nice boy Sander is his name, turned out to be friends with my brother-in-law. Had met a friend of mine through Tinder. It hasn't really turned out that way. But luckily you still have nice friends. We are going to have a drink with him next Saturday, looking forward to it!

And of course not to forget, my friendship with Richard is coming back again. Due to unpleasant circumstances in my previous relationship, I was no longer allowed to have contact with men besides him. And so not with my best friend Richard. We always went on trips, days out, weekends away, etc. And my ex boyfriend, unfortunately, saw that as quite a threat. And because of that, I had to break my friendship. At the time, that was very silly, in a mean way. Where I deeply regret him. But now I have contacted him, especially now that my relationship with Ilja is going very well. Next year we are getting married, I always told Richard that he would see me on my wedding day and I on his. But of course we had no contact anymore. I apologized for my behavior and how everything turned out. And now we are slowly picking up the thread again. I have already told Ilya a lot about him. And Ilja would like to get to know and meet him so that we can have a mutual friend. We have planned a day trip with the three of us, we are going to Phantasialand in Germany on Saturday 27 June. And Friday 26 June Richard will stay here to eat and sleep so that the three of us can leave early and on time on Saturday! Zinnnn!

Also my friendship with Stefanie is slowly going back to the old, we have been through a lot. Also with psychopath Sebas. And despite everything we've been through together, we always find a way back to each other. That's what I think is the beauty of true friendship, somewhere you always find a way that ends up with yourself or with the other person. We have agreed to leave the past to the past. And to focus on the present and the future. We are actually like sisters, just not by blood, but by friendship. I am curious what the future will bring us, I only hope the best.

All in all, even though I've said goodbye to someone, I quickly get so many new, nice, cozy and beautiful people in their place. As we get older, life only gets easier, you make friendships more easily, you look at the world in a different sober way. And you make a human. You learn to live with the fact that the world, the people, the children, things and animals are just the way they are and that you don't change anything about it yourself. Unless you look deep inside yourself and see what kind of flaws you all have and what you can still work on yourself. So that you can later say that you love yourself 100% and that you can love others 100% as a result.

Posted on: 07-06-2020

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