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Dear Diary,

Published on 28 July 2020 at 22:15

Well, that was a while ago isn't it. I've been absent a bit lately. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, sometimes you just need a little more distance. Been busy training for my defense inspections, all in all it was a bit hectic.

Sometimes life doesn't always go the way you want it to, sometimes life goes the way someone else envisions. Sometimes in your favor, but often not. You have to grab life with both hands and make the best of it yourself. You learn to deal with disappointments, you learn to understand life, put your shoulders to the wheel and carry on. Sometimes easier done than said. But life is a great process, a great learning process. You learn just a little more from each aspect than another. Depending on how you keep your feet on the ground, create your own way in this life. Everything depends on you and not on anyone else. Think of yourself, not someone else. These are your decisions, these are your learning moments, not anyone else's. Think about that the next time you have a learning moment or need to make a decision.

Likewise with me, life is give and take. Life is fighting, being able to stand with both feet on the ground and fight for it. Do I want something? Then I have to fully support it myself, throw everything into battle to make it a reality. Is something wrong? Well, there are worse things in life, right? Right, exactly that. Just keep going, don't look back, don't give up. Fight for it. For the past few weeks, I've been doing just that, working hard toward a road that seemed impossible to me. Fallen too many times, got back up super often. Because giving up is no longer an option, I made that choice too often when I was younger, now this was no longer an option. It has now been announced that my application project at Defense is over. That is a disappointment now, but later also a considerable learning process. When I see what I've already achieved, to get there at all, I'm super proud of myself that I was able to make it this far. But sometimes, you have to leave it at that and focus on a different goal. And that's exactly my plan now. Get better first anyway, because I'm still not. Still no diagnosis, still unexplained pain for no logical reason.

But luckily I still have my backup plan, because giving up is not an option for me. Just keep going, there are still plenty of opportunities in life, I'm young enough to do so much to achieve that in the end. There is still plenty that I want to experience, what I want to experience and then we will figure it out on our own, right? On Monday 24 August I will start my training at the Kw1c at the training: Financial Administrative Employee. The first 2 days will mainly be a lot of information, not really lessons or anything like that. Very exciting, such a first day of school again. But I'm going to do my very best on this education to achieve something in my life. And maybe something nice will come my way in between :-).

For now I wish everyone a nice evening and sleep well. X

Posted on: 28-07-2020

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