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Dear Diary,

Published on 20 October 2017 at 23:00

Dear Diary, today I got a call that I have the job at KPN (Telfort) in Groningen. I was quite surprised because I just had the feeling that I would be rejected. I will start the training on November 1, 2017, the training will last three days. Now all I have to do is arrange a room in Groningen..

Some people, by which I mean my brother who thinks moving to Groningen is a bad idea. For me it's just another escape. Starting a new chapter in this book of mine haha. A new city, new place, new people .. will do me good!

Sometimes I think back to the past. I used to be a really difficult child, this was because I never really belonged. I was just an outsider, I didn't feel part of the family. When I think back, I get less and less meaning in life. Lately I really feel like I'm some kind of zombie!

Sometimes I really wonder where my mother is now, she passed away 20 days ago, but where did she go. Can she see us here, what stories are true about this? My head is empty, it also feels empty, I don't feel any emotions, I just don't feel anything at all.

When I feel this way, I always listen to my mother's cremation song, Engel by Jeffrey Heesen. So that I can become completely one with the number and just completely forget about everything and focus on myself.

Tomorrow I'm going out in Den Bosch with a friend from Vught. I know what too much alcohol can do to me, especially if I'm already emotional haha. Let's hope it doesn't happen now. A nice night out is exactly what I really need right now!

For now but first a quick sleep and then tomorrow we have a new day in life to enjoy or think.

Posted on: 20-10-2017

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